Celine Dion Has A Titanic Water Bill

All that signing Celine does must make her awful damn thirsty as the chanteuse from Charlemagne used a whopping 6.5 million gallons of water  at her Florida estate last year, more than any other residence in the United States.

The figure came as a surprise as the 40-year-old Canadian, whose hits include the theme song to film Titanic, has spent little time at the property in Marin County, Florida. She has been in a long-running show in Las Vegas, which ended in December. She did not comment.

Most homes in the area, which has a population of 126,000, use just 10,000 gallons a month to water the grass and clean their cars.

Keep in mind this is the water consumption for just one of her  homes in the United States (suckers, you wanted her in Vegas...).   I was being facetious of course when I said Celine drank all 6.5 million gallons of water.  She likely used 6.4 million of the gallons to get Rene's old man smell off her skin.

Somewhere, Algore is crying.

To-Do Tattoo--And You

To-Do Tattoo makes sense, it's a products whose time has come. I used one the other day and it helped me out tremendously.

I'm a guy who would forget he had a head if it wasn't attacked to such a beautiful neck. It's true, I'm always told what a beautiful neck I have. Anyhoo, without making a list I'm lost. To-Do Tattoo was a God-send for me, just the other day it helped me out it spades.

I made my To-Do Hand-Tattoo list and headed out on my way. The first thing on my list was to get in my SUV and speed. Check. The second thing on my list to do was to get pulled over by the cops. Check. I checked my hand and it told me that the next thing on my list was to call the cop a fat porker. Check. The fourth thing told me to smile when the fat porker took me out of my SUV and beat the shit out of me. Check.

The fifth thing was to get thrown in jail and be a bunk muffin for a large immigrant named Cletus. Check and check. The sixth thing on my list was to cry as the large immigrant named Cletus probed me like I was an alien in Area 51. End of list.

Thank you To-Do Tattoo, you changed my world!

Gallery Owner Sent To Jail Because She Sucks

After repeated warnings to stop serving her party-goer/clients drinks, gallery owner Ruth Vered was picked up by East Hampton police and arrested:

She dismissed the East End cops as big-muscled toughs with too much time on their hands.

"I told them I've been doing this since before they were born," fumed Vered, 67. "They have some nerve."

She was taken away from the wine-and-cheese shindig in front of her granddaughter and the 200 elbow-rubbing fashionistas and socialites gathered at Vered Gallery for the opening of an exhibit by celebrity photographer Steven Klein.

East Hampton Mayor Paul Rickenbach said cops were just enforcing state alcohol rules.

"It's standard operating procedure for the police," Rickenbach said. "It's not something that's new and out of the blue at all."

I'm pretty much for any type of enforcement that puts away anyone that goes by the handle of *fashionista* or *socialite*. First of all, wine and cheese parties are gayer than a toothpick, and anyone that sports the glasses of the rubber-neck geek in the picture should be rounded up, thrown in a pit of vipers and then lit on fire.

That picture is so great, I'm still giggling.

No time for losers, 'cause we are the champions...

The Spokane Chiefs went an impressive 4-0 in the Memorial Cup this year proving that they are the best team in Major Junior hockey this season.  Yesterday they soundly beat the Kitchener Rangers 4 -1 to win the Canadian Hockey League championship.   History may forget the score of that game, but won't likely forget the Memorial Cup ceremonial presentation:

And you thought last week was bad

Pig on the lam

Maine's Colby College is having trouble nabbing a pig that's been on the lam on campus for a week.

Spokesman Steve Collins said the "free-range pig" is believed to be a Vietnamese potbellied pig, a type that's become popular as pets.

Collins said the pig has been on the lam since it slipped its leash during a campus cookout. The pig, it should be noted, was not on the menu.

Next week Lamb is a real pig.


What can brown do for you?

A shipment of marijuana from California led to the arrest of a man on drug and gun charges yesterday after he accepted a package at his doorstep from an undercover officer disguised as a UPS delivery person.

Members of the police street narcotics enforcement unit seized a 9 mm Ruger handgun and ammunition kept in a bedroom closet safe after searching the man's home.

I tried that once with Asian hookers....same story.


Bubbling up and over


Picture the Manhattan skyline filled with Nike swooshes. Or the golden arches of McDonald's gently drifting over Los Angeles.

A special-effects entrepreneur from Alabama has come up with a way to fill the sky with foamy clouds as big as 4 feet across and shaped like corporate logos – Flogos, as he calls them.

Francisco Guerra, who's also a former magician, developed a machine that produces tiny bubbles filled with air and a little helium. It forms the foam into shapes and pumps them into the sky.

The Walt Disney Co. will use one of the machines next month to send clouds shaped like Mickey Mouse heads into the air at Walt Disney World in Orlando, Fla., Guerra said.

Sounds like a nightmare I had recently. No wait! Those were Hillary Clinton floating heads.


Horton's hears a hoopla

The latest hiccup for the coffee giant came this week when a downtown Toronto businesswoman said she was scolded by an employee at the King and Victoria Sts. franchise for buying a homeless woman breakfast.

Teresa Lee reportedly saw the pregnant woman being shooed away from a King St. grate by a police officer before offering to buy her breakfast Wednesday morning.

Once inside, the investment manager was reportedly reamed out by an employee for allowing the woman to eat inside.

The ordeal comes just two weeks after single mom Nicole Lilliman lost her Tim Hortons job in London for giving a free Timbit to a customer's child.

After two public relations nightmares in as many weeks, Tim Hortons says it has no plans to change the way it does business.

However, they will be introducing the new Extra Large "Fuck You" Ice Cap for drive thru customers. Can I get butterscotch dribble on that?

Truth is stranger than Strange.

What's In The Mayor's Lunch Today?

My lunch wasn't as delicious last week as it usually is. I find that out of the three main meals I have every day, I look forward to lunch the most, but yet it is my least favourite of the big three. Breakfast is suppose to be the most important meal of the day, dinner is the big meal of the day, and lunch? Ya, it's the red-headed step-child.

Still though, we push on. We push on towards 300 Carbon Credits to Fortune and Fame. What was in The Mayor's lunch last week? A can of Coke, a ham sandwich, Rice Crispy treats, and apple and a bottle of water.

Some people have asked me why I bring a plastic bottle to work when I can have free water from the tap and cause less of a harm to the environment while doing it. Well, first off, I don't like that kind of commie talk at City Hall, and secondly, people should stay out of my lunch like I stay out of their bedroom. My lunch isn't a discussion piece for a bunch of Stalanists.

Todd --1/5 = 110 carbon credits
Chris Taylor --1/5 = 15 credits 85 carbon credits
Larry--3/5 = 75 credits
Reg--1/3 = 15 credits 45 carbon credits
Mech Eng--1/5 = 45 credits
Rhebner 40 carbon credits
Mr Fortner--30 Credits
Daily Bayonet--2/3 = 30 credits 30 credits
Dmorris--2/3 = 30 credits 30 credits
Linds 30 carbon credits
Fenris Badwulf--1/5 = 15 credits
Nancy 30 carbon credits
Polska 30 carbon credits
Frozen Tex 20 carbon credits
Cudgel--1/5 = 15.63
Darren 10 carbon credits

A quick look at the board tells me that Larry was the big winner last week, going 3/5. You would figure that Larry would have gone 5/5 as he packs my lunches every day, but no, he only went 3/5.

I live a simple life, I have simple lunches. Looking back on the history of this game, I can see that my lunches really do need some improvement. Although that won't happen this week.

This week, all correct answers are worth 15 carbon credits. Good luck to all those whose participate. For those of you that are not participating, I'm taking names, so watch yer step, partner.

So, What's In The Mayor's Lunch Today?

Book at Bedtime

Yes, Happy Worker, tonight is Sunday night. It is back to working to pay for other people’s entitlements tomorrow.

As you sink back into your soft bed for your allowed half hour extra of sleep this night, let your mind relax and drift like a feather on a draft of warm air. Turn your mind first to your feet and hands, and let them relax. Then draw your concentration to your wrists and ankles, and let them relax. Breathe deeply. Cleanse your mind of negative thoughts. Say to yourself that you are a Hungry Sales Wolf.

Refreshed! Let read a bit from our book, then!

How about this anecdote from the Battle of Kursk? * :

Heavy German air attacks on Soviet positions at Ponyri and further west at Ol'khovatka were met by equally heavy antiaircraft fire from the 25th Antiaircraft Artillery Division. By nightfall, after renewed assaults by two regiments and sixty tanks, the Germans finally took the northern and central part of Ponyri. German losses were heavy, as were those of the 1019th Rifle Regiment and supporting 540th Light Artillery Regiment that accounted for four heavy tanks before being forced to withdraw from its positions. Small groups of German assault troops infiltrated further south through gaps in the 1019th Rifle Regiment's lines, as the two battalions of the 1023d Rifle Regiment tried in vain to seal the gaps. Battle raged throughout the night, illuminated by the burning buildings of Ponyri.


Sounds like fun, does it not? Let us start at the top, shall we …

Heavy German air attacks … Well, this is the 1943 Luftwaffe … the strongest it will ever be, historically. This means that every Russian command post above battalion would get a visit from up to four medium bombers per wave. These bombers carried 1,100 kg bombs. Have you ever been around one of these things going off? These bombs leave a seven meter deep crater.

… heavy antiaircraft fire from the 25th Antiaircraft Artillery Division. Well, this isn’t saying much. The German air force was not wiped out this day. So the flak barrage was spectacular to look at, but futile. Add to that that the Germans were masters of flak suppression … which is a nice way of saying ‘drop frags on exposed flak gunners who are hanging about among piles of explosives and vehicles filled with gasoline’. The Germans have a single word capable of expressing that very sentiment.

By nightfall, after renewed assaults by two regiments and sixty tanks, the Germans finally took the northern and central part of Ponyri. Hold on a minute. Nightfall? Ahh, the Russians either withdrew or were all dead. Also, there is a fortification in the southern part of the town.

German losses were heavy, as were those of the 1019th Rifle Regiment and supporting 540th Light Artillery Regiment that accounted for four heavy tanks before being forced to withdraw from its positions. The Germans attacked with sixty Tiger tanks. The artillery support for this regiment is called light … which means 57mm field guns, firing over open sights. That they got four Tigers is pretty good. But the Germans have 56 Tiger tanks left. And a whole big battlefield full of grisly wreckage and smoking ruins, the place stinking of gun smoke, diesel fuel, and burning straw. And do not forget that in Stalin's army in 1943, regiments are not forced to withdraw. They were dead.

Small groups of German assault troops infiltrated further south through gaps in the 1019th Rifle Regiment's lines … Nazi special forces units infiltrate ahead of the assault troops. This means radio operators found with their throats slit, snipers shooting into the field aid station, and the commandants car rigged to explode.

…as the two battalions of the 1023d Rifle Regiment tried in vain to seal the gaps. Textbook elastic defence tactics. You can imagine the slaughter. The Germans infantry are elite assault troops … backed up by 56 Tiger tanks! There are two German regiments here, so that means regimental heavy weapons. Like those 120mm mortars the Germans gave every regiment. So, at least 24 heavy mortars are going to be plopping on this Russian attack. I guess after the barrage, the Germans would follow a few Tigers in to mop up, to loot the dead of weapons, ammunition, food, and gold teeth.

Battle raged throughout the night, illuminated by the burning buildings of Ponyri. Sounds romantic. German tactical doctrine for night attacks called for the issue of ‘Paratroopers chocolate’ to the troops: this stuff was a synthetic ‘chocolate’ (made from turpentine and sugar beets) which was fortified with methamphetamine. The two German regiments, led by the special battalion of Nazi commandos, were amped up on speed. Dark rumors circulate to this day about the drug fueled fiendish war atrocities committed by those who ate this Nazi chocolate.


Well, keep the lessons from this reading firmly in your mind as you drift off to sleep tonight. Its like you are visualizing elements from this story, and passing them towards the place behind your eyes, and pushing them into another dimension of time and space. Like planting a seed. Good night, happy worker.

This is where I got this material from: * . Thanks to the fine people at this address who have such fascinating and Darwin-friendly reading material.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this at both Mitchieville and DustMyBroom.

Economic Forecast of the Turpentine Commission

In the short term:

Corn prices will raise in sudden surges, with a three month surge followed by a nine month period of steady prices. The three month surge will start in late June or July, to coincide with the kids being out of school and their parents being distracted.

Other cereals will be pulled up, according to the Laws of Economics.

In the long term:

Expect a sudden rise in the price of alcoholic drink in 2009, as the supply grains for whiskey mash, beer porridge, or wine mush, spiral above twelve dollars a bushel for corn (Chicago, on the stalk).

Politics:

Expect Hilary to launch a 'unite the white' movement by reaching out to her white right wing sisters and brothers. After McCain is assassinated by a black muslim assassin with a troubled history in the Marine Corps, expect Hilary to win as a third party candidate.

Situation Report, May 24, 2008

Stop Harper.

I am nearly exhausted from choking with outrage. My brow is beady with sweat. The most important meal of the day, my bowl of steaming oats fortified with prunes and wheat germ, garnished with slivers of orange-chocolate and a dusting of icing sugar, sits uneaten and unhappy.

Why does not the Liberal Leader of the Government in Exile, what’s his name, see through all this manufactured crisis about food?

Its not about food, dummy. It is about what they make with all that grain and stuff: they make ethanol. Ethanol is a lousy fuel for the planet earth. The only place ethanol would be good as fuel is outer space.

Space Aliens only want our planet as a source of cheap fuel (ethanol), a place to rest (Montreal), recruit (Toronto), and retire crew (Vancouver), and some cheap surface mining with plantation agriculture. Heavy Industry is always located underground in these scenarios. A Secret Spaceship Base is already in the advanced stages of receiving environmental assessment recommendations from the London municipal planning sub-committee of the First Contact committee of the London municipal planning tribunal.

They are in charge already. I have proof: No normal man likes cats. Stephen Harper likes cats. Stephen Harper is not a normal man, no, indeed, he is a collaborator with these Space Aliens. This is logical proof.

Space aliens do not really care about you. They are like greedy taxpayers, only they are from space. They only think about themselves, and about how to acquire cheap resources for their expanding and profitable space empire. Like the British colonial oppressors, these colonial oppressors do not recognize our tax spenders rights to their wealth.

Because Space Aliens did not participate in historical slavery, they are exempt from the sanctions of white guilt. None the less, Space aliens celebrate slavery, but in a form that is modernized, sophisticated, and embracing of diversity and multi-culturalism. They are going to build a huge slave market at Scarborough Town center. Space aliens respect private property rights rather strongly, more than you are used to. Say hello to debtors prison (credit cards, anyone? Late mortgage payment? Phone bill behind?) and the press gang (if you are drunk enough to drink and drive, you are just perfect for the Royal Navy). So, the economy will be good. And the problem of obesity will finally get the attention it deserves.

It is time that other people did something. And the best thing you could do is to send me your money. Your money will be safe with me in the coming crisis. I care.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.

Hillary Is Finished

A few hours ago Hillary mentioned to a local rag in South Dakota that having the campaign go into June would be okay as both her husband's and Robert Kennedy's campaign went into June.   That would be the same Robert Kennedy who was assassinated and the DNC in 1968.   The web is buzzing, as are the MSM talking heads, over the hidden message  that she is sticking around incase Obama (PBUH) gets whacked.   Check out her comment:

Whatever Hillary meant to say why would she have invoked the memory of RFK?  Hillary's campaign is in full damage control mode but it's too late (you can see Hillary's attempt at an explanation here btw).  The Saturday papers will run with this and all the uncommitted Superdelegates will run to Obama (PBUH).   Obama (PBUH), who only needs 70ish more superdelegates to win, will have this campaign in the bag by next Monday or my name isn't Reginald Reginaldson.   May the best man win.

Read more here, here, and here.

Update: CNN just reported that HRC made the same comment to Time Magazine.

PS.  Windows Live Writer rocks!

Friday Night Man Flesh

I've just arrived home from an important meeting of *BITCH* members that was held at the Mitchieville Central library. I'm very pleased to report that membership has doubled over the past few months. My humble attempts to recognize the oppressed citizens of this town on Friday nights has been shamefully mocked by Reg (Logan) and the ladies are not amused. Increased membership means increased revenue. Soon, we will be publishing a weekly full-coloured magazine entitled "Mitchieville Manmeat," featuring choice cuts of manflesh from Mitchieville. Part of the proceeds will go back to *BITCH*, while the remaining profits will go toward funding my upcoming Mayorial campaign. We will be distributing a small quantity of copies to the library for patrons to take free of charge.

Alas, good news is rarely unaccompanied by bad news, especially when the stakes are high. Earlier in the week, someone broke into my vehicle, popped the hood and poured prune mush into the fluid tanks. On the bright side, I got to watch Joe clean it all up.
He was assisted by his apprentice named Frank, who kindly offered to appear in the first edition "Mitchieville Manmeat."

And now, it is time for a little reflection. This principle is the cornerstone of my platform.

Sometimes the law defends plunder and participates in it. Thus the beneficiaries are spared the shame and danger that their acts would otherwise involve... But how is this legal plunder to be identified? Quite simply. See if the law takes from some persons what belongs to them and gives it to the other persons to whom it doesn't belong. See if the law benefits one citizen at the expense of another by doing what the citizen himself cannot do without committing a crime. Then abolish that law without delay ... No legal plunder; this is the principle of justice, peace, order, stability, harmony and logic.

Frederic Bastiat - "The Law"

Friday Night Female Flesh (With a little Man Flesh)

Okay, I suck.  Last week there was no Friday Night Female Flesh for our legions of readers to ogle.   I tried making up for it on Saturday but it was too late as Lisa had already sullied the fine pages of Mitchieville with gross looking Male Flesh that made me feel uncomfortable when I looked at it.

As bad as I felt about you, the best damn readers on the Internet, I felt worse about my blogger-in-arms Logan.   You see Logan went out and found a couple of all-Canadian themed Flesh pics in honour of our national Victoria Day long weekend.  I will not let my suckiness from last week stop a good post from being posted. Seeing as this weekend is a long weekend state-side and Canadian flesh rocks, why not post that post this week!  I figure I can get away with this as:  a) your just here for the flesh;  b) I have to post something to combat the Man Flesh that Lisa is bound to post.; c)  there is nothing you can do about it anyway. I suppose you could leave Mitchieville and never return but you wouldn't do that would you? 

Here's what Logan had for us:

After Reg posted Canada's own Playmate of the Year last week (found here) and Mitchieville went ga-ga over her, I felt I had to step up my efforts. I knew there must be a semi-famous Canadian male celebrity out there who has also shown some skin.

Imagine my surprise when hottie Shawn Ashmore stripped nekkid and draped himself in the Maple Leaf flag in Cosmo UK recently. You may vaguely recognize Ashmore as the cool stud that played Iceman in the three X-Men movies.

I love it when celebrities show their Canadian pride. Especially when it's hot male Canadian celebrity. And, is it just me, or does it appear that Shawn shaves down there??

300 Carbon Credits To Fortune & Fame

I'm introducing a new prize this week into the contest. The first contestant to reach 300 carbon credits will not only receive a 2L of the finest and purest maple syrup ever made, but also a gift card from either Starbucks or Tim Horton's. Seeing as though Timmy's is limited to Canada and many but not all parts of the US, I thought it best to diversify the prize bank.

Even though I'm strung out on medication and possibly minutes away from collapsing, I'm still thinking about my constituents. Ya, that's the type of guy I am. Lisa isn't.

Next week I will introduce another prize into the equation, something that I'm sure will become quite coveted among Mitchievillians. Wow, the tension suddenly mounted.

Last week was a good week for Friday games. Even though riddles are proven to be gay, it seems Mitchievillians liked getting a little gay and decided to participate. That could be the Reg/Logan influence at play, I'm not sure.

Either way, the answers to last week's questions are: 1) Paper Plane 2) Shadow 3) Paint.

Thus, the scoreboard has been changed. Let's have a boo at how everything turned out.

Todd --3/3 = 45 credits 95 carbon credits
Chris Taylor --2/3 = 30 credits 70 carbon credits
Reg--1/3 = 15 credits 45 carbon credits
Rhebner 40 carbon credits
Mr Fortner--2/3 = 30 credits 30 Credits
Larry--2/3 = 30 credits 30 credits
Daily Bayonet--2/3 = 30 credits 30 credits
Dmorris--2/3 = 30 credits 30 credits
Linds 30 carbon credits
Mech Eng--2/3 = 30 credits 30 credits
Fenris Badwulf--Admitted cheated--minus 200 credits and no hookers for one month
Nancy 30 carbon credits
Polska 30 carbon credits
Frozen Tex 20 carbon credits
Darren 10 carbon credits
Cudgel--.013/3 = 1.32 credits 1.57 carbon credits

Good job to everyone that gave it a go last week. Todd still leads, but everyone is just an answer or two away from feeling that cool air blow through their hair as they stand atop the leader board of greatness. Is the air cool up there, Todd?

Here are the Origins questions for this week:

1) Name--Like the dreaded fashions of the 1970's, this was a case of following fashion blindly. Edward VIII, duke of Windsor, an extremely well dressed and fashionable man, decided that knots of neck ties were too small. Consequently, he devised another way of tying the knot. Without a doubt, there are many English school boys who wish that Wallis Simpson had convinced the duke to give up his peculiar knot, instead of the throne.

2) Name--In the early days of theatre, all acting was done exclusively by men. Naturally this would mean they played the female roles and consequently wore dresses. When the actor walked across the stage, these dresses would follow like a train. The male actors were more often referred to by this royal name.

3) Invention--Sylvan Goldman, an Oklahoma store owner, is the man behind this invention, which definitely gave 'impulse buying' a boost. While watching his customers one day back in 1937, he noticed they weren't purchasing as much as the could have, or is some cases, as much as they wanted to. After introducing his customers to his invention, sales increased dramatically.

Each correct answer is worth 20 carbon credits this week. Remember, you have until Sunday night to get your answers in for What's in The Mayor's Lunch Today? That could earn you some big points, which in turn could win you some mediocre prizes. Doesn't that sound great?

Good luck to everyone that plays this week.

Experts Define Premature Ejaculation

Experts from around the globe say they have finally been able to define life-long premature ejaculation:

The definition was developed after lengthy critical evaluation of the evidence presented in more than 100 studies on the sexual problem published over the last 65 years. It was unanimously agreed by the experts that the definition of lifelong premature ejaculation should be a combination of three key factors:

-- Ejaculation that always or nearly always occurs prior to or within about one minute of vaginal penetration.

-- The inability to delay ejaculation on all or nearly all vaginal penetrations.

-- Negative personal consequences such as distress, bother, frustration and/or the avoidance of sexual intimacy.

Hell, I came three times just reading the article.

If it took experts 65 years to define premature ejaculation, it's going to take them 2000 years to find a cure for it.

It's hard to imagine all the research and research money that went into just defining what premature ejaculation is. Especially when all they had to do was ask anyone that owns a Corvette.

And they're off!

NEXT--FIVE great links

ALSO--I think I'm turning Japanese

Mutt Lange Screwed Around On Shania Twain With Another Mutt

Shania Twain and her husband Mutt Lange have separated after 14 years of marriage. The reason? Mutt had an affair on Shania with the woman in the picture (the old broad on the right):

"Mutt and Marie-Anne left their spouses for each other and are still in a relationship," says one source, adding that the Swiss employee was a fixture in the household Twain, 42, and Lange, 59, shared with their son, 6-year-old Eja D’Angelo.

"Their two families would vacation and spend holidays together," says the source. "Shania considered Marie-Anne one of her best friends."

It's hard for me to wrap my head around this one, but Blaise Pascal once said, "The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing." Although I prefer what my old buddie Ted use to say, "Some guys are fucking idiots".

Man, Ted was dead on, Blaise though? Not so much.

The way I look at it, why would any guy give up a double fudge brownie delight for a piece of mouldy bread? Especially when that double fudge brownie delight has great tits and a fine ass.

The heart....stupid organ

NEXT--Gender Imbalance--Or Not

ALSO--What In Tarnation Am I?

Barack Hussein Obama (PBUH) Solves The Iranian Problem

In an interview with Fox News on Tuesday, Barack Hussein Obama (pbuh), outlined his foreign policy, and how he would deal with Iranian leaders when he meets with them:

What you assume is that if you are very clear about the need to stand out on nuclear weapons, that you are very clear about the need to stop funding Hezbollah and Hamas, and to stop threatening Israel. And you have engaged in those direct talks and you are listening about what their interests are — number one, we get a better sense of what their true interests are, and number two, you have sent a message to the world that we are not the impediment of making progress, that they're the ones who are holding up progress, which allows us then to strengthen our alliances, to impose the kinds of tough sanctions that may be necessary to change their behavior.

Why hasn't anyone done this before? It is brilliant in its simplicity.

Let's break down what Barack Hussein Obama (pbuh) had to say. First off: When Barack sits down and talks with Iranian leaders, he will make it clear that we are not happy that Iran is developing nuclear weapons, and that we are also not happy that they are funding Hezbollah and Hamas. Since Iran doesn't know that we aren't happy with them over those points, I find this is a great start. It should shelve any confusion the Iranian leaders might have about why we are so uptight.

Secondly: After explaining why we are a tad uppity over the whole nuclear weapon, funding terrorist thingie, we can get a better idea what Iran's true intentions are. So far, Iranian President Ahmad Ahjamadianiabiladidian has said he wants to destroy Israel and the evil American empire. However, that was before he knew how upset we are about the nuke a terrorist business. Perhaps he's just upset about the lack of Starbucks in Tehran. We can certainly accommodate him on that front

Thirdly: Since we have made our point to the Iranian leaders, we can say to the world that it is not us that is being an impediment to world peace, but it's the Iranians. This will strengthen our alliances and then we can set in place a series of sanctions. I have an idea: We'll tell the UN about the bad behaviour displayed by Iran, and they can issue a set of harsh sanctions against them. Not like the sanctions they have against them right now, but harsher, even the harsherest sanctions ever.

Yes, that should change their behaviour.

I find it a little heavy-handed, but that is why we have hope. Yes, cool freshing hope.

And change.

And hope.

I Think I'm Turning Japanese

If you ask me, Ronald McDonald doesn't translate well in Japan. He looks like he's a few fries short of a Happy Meal.

Gender Imbalance--Or Not

Countless millions have been dedicated to finding its solution. Endless ink has been spilled trying to find out its reason. Conferences have been launched, studies have been implemented and jobs have been lost because of it.

Now, after many years of struggling with the age-old question, why are there so few women in certain math and science-related jobs, the answer has been found:

Substantial numbers of women - highly qualified for the work - stay out of those careers because they would simply rather do something else.

One study of information-technology workers found that women's own preferences are the single most important factor in that field's dramatic gender imbalance. Another study followed 5,000 mathematically gifted students and found that qualified women are significantly more likely to avoid physics and the other "hard" sciences in favor of work in medicine and biosciences.

You mean to tell me that the gender imbalance wasn't due to inherent and systemic sexism that has permeated every fibre of the sciences?

The article was obviously written by a man.

Most likely a white one.

What In Tarnation Am I?

One of Three and Frozen Tex correctly answered that last week's animal posted was the Fossa. One of Three (which may be the father, son, or holy spirit, I haven't figured out which one) had this to say about the Fossa:

It has retractable claws like a cat, walks on the soles of its feet like a wolverine, looks a bit like a jaguarundi, and has scent glands like a mongoose.

And how did Frozen Tex know last week's animal was a Fossa?

'they were also the "bad guys" in the movie "Madagascar"'

That's great stuff.

It doesn't matter how we get there, as long as we get there.

I believe that was me waxing poetically. Or whatever.



Before you incorrectly guess that this animal is a woodchuck, let me give you some information about the little fella first:

When frightened, this animal flees, raising the long hairs on their back and spraying secretions from their dorsal gland, presumably to keep the group together in the dense brush via odor. These secretions are rubbed against group members.

It seems this animal does a lot of running and secreting, so, my guess is that it's French in origin.

Thank you, I'll be here all day.

Do you know what this cowardly, secreting throwing vermin is (I'm not sure it's a vermin, don't let me throw you off). Was this animal in a movie like the Fossa? Was this animal in a movie where they needed a secreting animal? I don't know, I'm asking you.

So, What in Tarnation Am I?

This Is a Test Post by Reg

I'm trying out a new blogger program that The Mayor had in his Linkie Love post below.  Patience please while I give Windows Live Writer a whirl.

Oh, I like this so far.  Now let's try and add a female flesh pic:

Mayor,  this program rocks!  Much better than Blogger.  Now let's try a linky link:

Fishing the Afghan way!

Oh, sweet - Mayor, you've have got to try this program out. 

And now I will edit -----  Get Window Live Writer here.

Little Linkie Love

I've been fighting like hell with a chest cold for about the last 3-4 days. Generally I'm a big fan of explosive chest pains followed by spontaniously hacking up bits of lung, but this time is different--I'm hardly into it at all.

So, if I seem a little more sarcastic lately, if I seem a little bit angrier, a little edgier, now you know the reason. It's not you, it's God.

I like dog racing, but we don't have any decent tracks in Mitchieville, so, for shits and giggles, Fenris and I strap meatloaf around some of the neighbourhood dogs and give them a swift kick in the ass. Then we bet on which dog will get eaten by the other dogs first. I know that technically it's not considered dog racing and that technically it's considered animal cruelty, but I've made over $400 from Fenris in the last 3 months. Anyhoo, animated dog racing is fun and won't cost you a dime. Go give it a try!

If you were into oragami (paper making shit), then you will love and quite possibly adore Simple Pop Ups You Can Make. Basically, it's simple pop ups you can make...in case I wasn't clear enough.

*cough cough cough, hack hack hack*

The Antoine Helbert site can't be explained, it has to be experienced. In other words, I'm not sure what the hell is going on but I'm down with it (that's street talk for *I like it*)

For a good laugh I suggest you mosey over to ManBabies. For a better laugh, cup your hand uder your armpit and flap your arm. Your arm will make fart noises. HAHAHA, now you're a party animal!

For you Bloggers out there in blogoland, The Top 10 Blogger Tools For Getting Things Done might come in handy. It didn't help me in the least, it actually infuriated me, but what the hell do I know, I have a chest cold and hate pretty much everything right now. I still stand by my Ted Kennedy post though. Senile old goof.

That was a hunka hunka bit of burnin' Linkie Love. Taste it. Feel it. Live it.

**Hey, send me links, I could use the smile.

Roots of Breakdance (Run DMC - It's Like That)

This is freaking great, I'm sure you'll dig it.

Things really get cooking at about the 1 minute mark--hang in there.